thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
