HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
