WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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