but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
