Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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