I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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