I'm lost and stupid without you.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
