I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
