i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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