My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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