He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
