she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
