I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
