I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
