jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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