i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
