i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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