Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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