Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
