I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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