so explain again why im purple
no
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
