And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
