wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
