every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
