dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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