im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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