It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
