We're like a lot better than the average bears
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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