I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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