Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
