New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
