So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
