I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
