i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
