I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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