i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
