I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
