So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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