put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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