I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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