I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
