i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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