i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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