Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
