My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
