he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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