So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.