Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.