I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"