dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.