i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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