Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.

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  (617): yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9. http://tfl.nu/1zb6
  Replies (25) Good night (2131) Bad night (603)
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  (516): View more from New York

  It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.

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  (516): It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch. http://tfl.nu/fh6f
  Replies (9) Good night (6484) Bad night (892)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.

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  (336): i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets. http://tfl.nu/gfq6
  Replies (53) Good night (3835) Bad night (859)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

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  (570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off http://tfl.nu/1xmy
  Replies (13) Good night (6727) Bad night (1192)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

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  (309): so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished. http://tfl.nu/wbty
  Replies (19) Good night (7282) Bad night (1615)
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  (650): View more from California

  Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it

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  (650): Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it http://tfl.nu/zs3i
  Replies (8) Good night (3111) Bad night (1175)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...

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  (440): Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits... http://tfl.nu/u2u5
  Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (851)
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  (516): View more from New York

  oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick

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  (516): oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick http://tfl.nu/bh3i
  Replies (5) Good night (974) Bad night (513)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it

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  (503): Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it http://tfl.nu/r81k
  Replies (14) Good night (3366) Bad night (626)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.

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  (610): Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours. http://tfl.nu/ytnd
  Replies (2) Good night (461) Bad night (1113)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.

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  (202): I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it. http://tfl.nu/il0a
  Replies (12) Good night (1174) Bad night (569)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  ...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over

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  (423): ...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over http://tfl.nu/31vp
  Replies (10) Good night (443) Bad night (918)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.

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  (956): I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated. http://tfl.nu/82qh
  Replies (0) Good night (293) Bad night (395)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French

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  (703): All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French http://tfl.nu/pm1m
  Replies (4) Good night (696) Bad night (267)
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night

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  (909): I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night http://tfl.nu/8l7b
  Replies (1) Good night (291) Bad night (390)

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