Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.