we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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