"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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