Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
