he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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