My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
