I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
