i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
