For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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