Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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