I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
