Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
