so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
