i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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