There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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