I faked an abortion last night.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
